


Open Heart, An

by lidarose13



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-28
Updated: 2004-10-28
Packaged: 2019-05-30 11:50:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15096131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lidarose13/pseuds/lidarose13
Summary: A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of theWest Wing Fanfiction Central, a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in theannouncement post.





	Open Heart, An

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

   


 

**An Open Heart**

**by: Lida Rose**

**Character(s):** CJ, Danny  
**Pairing(s):** CJ/Danny  
**Category(s):** AU  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** AU: Follows "Stepping Up"  
**Author's Note:** AU Series #007 Many thanks to LuLu for finding and fixing the fragments. 

Note: This is absolutely Alternate Universe but plays off of some items in canon and things I think seem very possible and plausible. 

Maybe if he concentrated on something else, it wouldn't be so excruciating. Danny Concannon searched for a diversion to focus on. C.J. Cregg's gentle breathing caught his attention. 

She slept on her side within easy reach. He stayed on his back but reached out a gentle hand to touch her silken skin. She sighed, and stirred a bit to inch closer to Danny. She returned to that same relaxing pace of breathing without waking. 

He conceded C.J. had been correct, he shouldn't have finished the popcorn because it was too salty. But it was the only regret of the evening. The theme of their night out had been to achieve that relaxed state C.J. now enjoyed. 

C.J. and Danny had kicked back from their high-pressure Beltway jobs. They planned to devote the whole weekend to the glorious and rare concept of free time. 

It was theirs for the taking because President Jed Bartlet and his wife, Abbey were out of town. Their daughter Elizabeth was celebrating a birthday and it would be low-key since she was the most private member of the family. 

Elizabeth insisted on her privacy meaning there was no huge media entourage along. Chief Of Staff Leo McGarry would handle anything that came up with C.J. only a phone call away. An official White House photographer was along for family photos. 

That left the rest of the West Wing Senior Staff with the weekend off. They'd scattered just like the leaves stirred by Marine One as it lifted off from the White House lawn on the way to Air Force One. 

*** 

Once C.J. knew the President had taken off and landed safely, she'd gotten out of the White House. She was joined by a general exodus as she signed out. C.J.'s plans for a Friday night were delightfully mundane. She'd catch up on a few things at home like laundry, grocery shopping and even reading something mindless that didn't involve a government security clearance. 

She reserved Saturday evening and the rest of her weekend for Danny. 

C.J. had reveled in just doing the routine. Plus, she'd had a long, uninterrupted night of sleep. Unusual because it had been early to bed and alone in bed, C.J. missed Danny but knew she needed to catch up on her sleep when she could. 

*** 

For Danny, the time was a bonus. He figured somehow C.J. would be required to go with the First Family. Or he'd be suckered into covering the trip. It hadn't happened and he had her all to himself. 

They'd started their Saturday evening at a sports bar. Danny called it a great warm up for courtside seats at the Washington Wizards game. They'd been part of C.J.'s Valentine's Day present to him. 

The sports bar was crowded but not wall-to-wall. C.J. was nervous about being in such a public place with Danny. However, no one noticed them, allowing C.J. to be at ease. She giggled when Danny wiped chicken wing sauce off her nose. She tried to do the same on his face but couldn't figure out where it hid in his beard. 

Her trepidation returned as they approached their seats in the MCI Center. They were directly behind the Wizards' bench. The players were in the middle of the warm up drills as the couple settled into their seats. Immediately players, coaches and reporters started calling out to them. 

C.J. blanched, certain they'd been outed. It took her a second to realize all the attention was directed at Danny. No one even spoke to C.J. until Danny introduced her to a few players. They acknowledged her without much recognition. It dawned on her that they had no idea she was White House Press Secretary. "How come they know you so well?"she demanded. 

"I've covered a couple of games when sports is shorthanded. Hang out here some too and played in a couple of pick up games."Danny shrugged. 

"You went one on one with them?" 

"I didn't say I was any good. It was fun and decent exercise." 

"They claim they haven't seen you lately." 

"Well C.J., I've found a better way to get exercise and work off my pent up energy." 

She blushed under his intense gaze. "Oh. I'm glad to offer an assist. Still, nobody knew who I was." 

Danny took a chance that they'd been together long enough for him to laugh at her, just a little bit. He gambled she wouldn't close off or go running. The laugh was in his tone, "Hey, sorry guess your publicity people didn't get the releases out to them announcing your presence and trumpeting your arrival. But at least we won't be discovered." 

"Shut up."She decided he was right, it was silly. C.J. could just enjoy an evening out. And she did. They settled in to see what became a good game. As it went on they forgot the crowd around them. She unconsciously held Danny's hand. He threw an arm around her shoulders when they stood to cheer a run down the court. 

Once Danny had offered to explain basketball to her in "the patronizing manner women like". In reality, he wouldn't do that. When C.J. asked a question he answered it knowing she was brilliant and he was just adding to her basic knowledge. She was having a great time. 

But it didn't stop her from warning him to avoid finishing the bucket of popcorn they shared. It was drenched in salt, however Danny still polished it off along with his beer, the remainder of her beer and a couple of soft drinks. 

The game went to overtime allowing the Wizards to pull out an upset with pizzazz and attitude. At the final buzzer, C.J. threw her arms around Danny in celebration. He pulled her close and for a moment they were oblivious to the crowd and the noise. 

C.J. realized where they were before their moment ended in a kiss. Danny draped an arm around her shoulder when they unclasped. She let it stay put and reached to hold his hand as it lay there. "Danny, I had a great time." 

"Agreed. Maybe we can do this once an administration." 

"Don't push our luck. This is way too public most of the time." 

"Stop looking at me like that C.J. or I'll have to kiss you until your brain melts." 

"Hold that thought."She gave a swift glance around before planting a quick kiss on his lips. 

Danny's voice was urgent, "Let's get out of here." 

*** 

Even a parking garage traffic jam can be fun when you're with the right person. Danny and C.J. decided to wait out the crowd in the car. He punched in the post game show and worked his arm around the back of her seat. "You warm enough? Want my jacket?" 

"I'm okay. We won't be here long, right?" 

"It takes a good twenty minutes to get things unclogged. Are you bored?" 

"A little but I can think of something to do."She leaned over and wrapped her arms around him. "What was that about kissing me brainless?" 

"My pleasure."He slid closer to her and brought his lips to hers. The kiss wasn't enough for C.J. She ran her hands over his back and then ran her tongue over his lips. 

Danny turned up the heat by nibbling on her lips, her throat and her ears. They were lost in an old fashioned make out session in a car. They also lost track of time until a sharp knock on the driver's side window brought them back to reality. They scrambled to adjust clothes and their positions in the car as Danny opened the window. A security guard stood there ready to shine a light into the car's interior. "Everything okay, folks?" 

"Yes, sir."Danny figured these might be his last words. He was certain C.J. would kill him. "We were just waiting for the garage to clear and. . . "Danny's voice trailed off. 

"Appears to me Mr. Concannon, it's cleared out. Course you probably didn't notice that. Good night."As he ambled away, the guard called back. "I'm a real fan of your stories, you sure keep that press lady on her toes." 

Danny glanced out the open window. They were the only car left as far as the eye could see. But they couldn't have known because the car windows were steamed up. The post game show was now the music of an oldies station. 

He turned his gaze to C.J. ready for his fate. "Hey, "he said weakly. 

"Hey", she answered. C.J. had envisioned the headlines. "Press Secretary And Reporter Caught Necking."She'd tried to disappear into the car's upholstery. She decided Danny looked dejected and incredibly sexy in his disheveled state. "We'd better go, Danny." 

"Okay." 

"After all, if I am much later I'll miss my curfew."She gave him a saucy grin and then she started to laugh. "I can't believe we steamed up the windows. I feel like I'm back in high school." 

"I'll bet you had the boys lined up around the block hoping for a chance to get you up to the local lovers' lane." 

"Probably the same as you, Mr. A-V Club. While you ponder your past conquests, let's get out of here." 

"We can trade tales of triumphs. " 

"As in?" 

"How often did you let a guy get to first base and beyond?" 

"Down boy, classified information. But I like your chances, Slugger. You've got the stick." 

"C.J."Danny's face reddened and his tone implied shock at her brazen innuendo. "I really do need to get you home." 

"Go team." 

The light tone continued when they returned to her place. C.J. and Danny felt no need to rush at anything this weekend. They spent part of the night necking on the couch continuing their imitation of teenagers. 

There was a lot of teasing, laughter and those vibes that indicated an easy familiarity and true intimacy. 

When they finally made it to the bedroom, their lovemaking wasn't the usual frantic scramble. Tonight, they both found they had all the time in the world. It was a new dimension, a feeling of permanence, something to savor. 

And savor they did. Hours later, C.J. nestled in Danny's arms. She was satisfied, sleepy and smiling. "Do you think if we asked the Bartlets to run the White House from Elizabeth's basement we could stay like this here?" 

"Let's see if we can get Congress to consider it." Danny stroked her hair and considered himself to be the luckiest man in the world. "Sweet dreams." 

Sleepiness made her more daring. "I don't need dreams anymore, Danny. You've made my reality incredibly sweet." 

*** 

Danny had enjoyed reliving all of that again. It was pleasant but not diverting enough to quench his thirst. He was going to have to get some water or he'd die. 

But he decided he WOULD die before letting C.J. say, "I told you so."about the popcorn one more time. He figured if he was careful he could slip out of bed and quietly complete his mission for water. Danny concluded he'd spent enough time in this room to make his way through the dark. 

He inched his way out of the bed, easing covers back and treading lightly on the floor. He was about to make the turn at the foot of the bed. As he started to congratulate himself, Danny slammed his foot into a small table. 

Danny swallowed the howl of pain and made more noise as he grabbed blindly to right the teetering objects. From memory he pictured the objects on the lace covered table. A teddy bear was showcased under a glass dome and next to it was a picture frame. He recalled there were a couple of pictures in the heavy silver frame. 

That weighty keepsake was now making a dent in his foot before it crashed to the floor. Danny made a desperate attempt to save the glass dome before it shattered on the ground. 

He succeeded but yelped when the edge of the glass cut him. The few seconds of juggling stretched out to what seemed like an eternity. Then he heard C.J.'s sleepy voice, "Danny, what. . . where are you?" 

"It's okay."He kept his tone reassuring. "I needed some water and banged into the table. I'm fine." 

"I told you not to. . . wait, which table?" 

"The one with the lace on it and the bear." 

"Oh, God."There was alarm in C.J.'s voice. He heard her shifting in the bed and fumbling for the nightstand light. "Is anything broken?" 

"I'm fine, C.J., maybe a cut from the glass." 

"Not you."The light snapped on. "My things."C.J. looked frantically at the table and Danny. 

"Hey, excuse me for bleeding. The dome is fine, maybe a chip."He held it up and then put it back on the table gingerly. Danny bent to pick up the frame and C.J. shot across the bed to push him aside. 

"Leave it. I'll get it."She leaned down to the carpet. "Is it broken?" 

Danny felt a little put out. He was hurt, it was minor but still she only cared about a picture. It was unlike C.J. "Uh, C.J., can I get a little T.L.C. here?" 

She ignored him to stare at the frame on the floor. He stopped her hand, "Don't pick it up. There might be glass there and you'll get cut too. The picture's not going anywhere, chill." 

He stuck his bleeding finger in his mouth and tried to control his temper at her indifference. 

C.J. sat back on the bed and put her face in her hands. "You don't understand, it's all I have left of my daughter." 

*** 

Danny stared at C.J. "I don't think I heard you correctly. Must be my injuries. What did you say?" 

Her voice was very soft as she repeated, "My daughter. Danny, these things were hers." 

She looked up at him and tears were bright in her eyes, "Did you get blood on the bear?" 

"I don't think so."His tone gentled at the anguish in her voice. He moved carefully around the bed looking for shards of glass. "I need a bandage and a drink. Boy, a drink sounds good. I'll be right back." 

He was a man of his word. He came back into C.J.'s bedroom to find her in nearly the same position except now she clutched the bear and wore his shirt from earlier in the evening. 

But there was still that blank, stricken look on her face. Danny wasn't sure what to do. C.J. made it easier. "I borrowed your shirt." 

"It looks better on you, all of my shirts do. Are you cold?"She shook her head, "May I get you anything?" 

"My daughter."Her pain was all over her face. 

"God, C.J. I never knew. But if it was within my power, I'd give anything including my own life to bring her back to you." 

C.J. managed a small smile. "You would, wouldn't you? She died." 

He nodded and desperate to be helpful blurted out, "Let me get the picture." 

After grabbing it off the carpeting, he gave it a quick glance. "The glass is broken. I'll go out and find new glass." 

"In the middle of the night?" 

"I'll find a place." 

His offer touched her deeply. "No, Danny. Stay here and we'll worry about that later." 

Danny slid back under the covers next to C.J. He moved closer. "I want to hold you." 

"Not now or I won't get through this. May I please tell you about her?" 

"I'd be honored. Tell me as much as you want." 

"There's not much to tell."She gave a humorless laugh. "Her name was Claudia Olivia Englund and we called her Cloe. She had dark hair and dark eyes, like a gypsy. She died when she was four months old, just when she was smiling a lot. She cooed and was starting to recognize things about the world around her." 

"I'll bet she always recognized you and smiled for you first." 

"You like to think so. She had my smile and my name." 

"And your love."Danny had to touch C.J. He put a hand on her leg hidden under the covers. It wasn't sexual, it was a basic human connection. C.J. understood the gesture. 

"I like to think she recognized that too." 

"I'm sure your Cloe, your Claudia Olivia was aware of that even before she was born. You didn't just carry her under your heart, she was in your heart." 

"Guess you get to hear about this part of my life." 

"Okay." 

"You know some of it but not all of it. After college, I wanted to save the world. I joined the Peace Corps with visions of JFK, RFK and MLK in my mind. Like so many others I was trying to blot out the bad dream of Nixon and Watergate." 

"A do gooder even then." 

"I taught English in Paraguay. It was rewarding but I wanted to do more. When I got back I returned to school figuring I could do more as part of the political system." 

C.J. shifted closer to Danny. "I earned my advanced degree in Political Science then found myself doing some campaign work with polls. You know the drill, graduate work and proving yourself in every campaign." 

"Was it a good life?" 

"Yeah, you're hungry, broke and unsettled but don't care - I'm sure you can relate from your early days of reporting." 

He nodded willing her to continue. She did, "My family wasn't sure about my direction. My Mom was gone by that time, only Collin understood. Did I ever tell you he was using 'C.J.'?" 

"Two C.J.s?" 

"I was Claudia Jean in those days or simply Claudia. He was the C.J. for Collin James when he wrote for the Law Review or even an op-ed piece." 

"But Drew was always Drew." 

"Yes, I envied them their names. My parents had some latitude in boys' names but I was destined to be Claudia. It's been passed down on the maternal side for six generations." 

She gently laid down the picture frame. Danny watched her hands move over the bear and he noticed an oval shaped locket draped around its neck. "See, our birthright." 

C.J. opened the necklace to show him a picture of a ferocious looking man with a handlebar mustache. "Great, great, great or so grandfather Claude Dubois. He wanted a namesake but kept having daughters. He named one Claudia and then had five healthy sons." 

"Sounds like you should have been named for his wife." 

"Nope, the first daughter in a generation gets the name and the locket." 

"And the bear?" 

"It was something I bought the day I felt her move. It was the day I realized she was real, I was going to have a baby. At that moment, she wasn't an abstract." 

"Did you know you were having a girl?" 

"Yes, but not scientifically. It was a feeling. Bruce was positive the baby was a boy. Guess he figured that his sperm would only produce male offspring. He wanted male naming rights and refused to listen to the idea of a girl. So, when she was born I just announced that her first name was Claudia." 

"I like Olivia for a middle name." 

"The name of the nurse with me in labor and delivery. She was more help then Bruce was, another red flag I should have noticed." 

"Where did Cloe come from?" 

"It's spelled C-L-O-E, uncommon of course. Bruce came up with it from the initials in her name. There was to be no confusion in his mind between the two Claudias." 

Danny chanced being personal too. "He must have been thrilled. I was over the moon when my son was born." 

It was the first time they'd spoken of his son. C.J. was glad Danny was sharing. "I'd expect nothing less from you. You probably still feel that way." 

"I do. And I'd be devastated by the loss of him. I admire you C.J. for going on." 

"You don't have a choice, Daniel. I'm off track." 

"Sorry." 

"No, I guess piecemeal works as well as chronological. Let me go back a bit. I had my background in English, Political Science, polling and real life. " 

"Good resume." 

"I'd come across Josh on his way up and did some work for his candidates. A Toby sighting was more rare but happened. I also got work from EMILY's list." 

"Were you a hired gun?" 

"No. I had to have some connection to a candidate, share some belief. Bruce was the hired gun. We met on a campaign and clicked. We were a good match on paper professionally and it evolved into being personal." 

"Was he one of those 'GQ' guys?"Danny asked with a trace of envy. 

C.J. appreciated that note in his voice. "Sorry, he was. Tall, dark, handsome, a demon on the tennis court and the golf course. Bruce Englund, media marvel." 

"Big time passion, huh?" 

"No. Just sort of status quo. No one was more surprised then me when we ended up married." 

"Because of the baby?" 

"We didn't get into trouble I was a little smarter than that." 

"Okay." 

"After my brother's murder and the trial, I was at loose ends. Bruce kept me busy working and I turned to him. Collin had been my touchstone and suddenly, I only had Drew." 

"Your parents were both gone by then?" 

"Yes and I'm glad they didn't have to live through the loss of Claudia Olivia." 

"God, C.J. I know I'm sorry is trite but I am." 

"Thank you."She continued, "I needed someone to hold on to. Bruce needed a wife so guys would quit hitting on him and he'd have a better profile for possible political appointments." 

"Great reason to marry." 

"Was yours a love match?" 

"In our minds, at our young age. We're still friends and parents."Danny felt it was important for C.J. to have that information. 

"That's admirable. I envy you in a way and I'm sure it's best for your son." 

"Always our priority, C.J." 

She blew out a breath and kept reciting her life's events. "We had a small wedding and then settled in Florida. Our eventual goal was to end up back in northern California, in the Marin County area." 

"Beautiful place." 

"It wasn't planned but we were still amazed when I turned up pregnant. We'd been married eight months." 

"Were you happy, both of you?" 

"I was placid. Bruce was low-key. She wasn't real to him until she was born. It was a quiet pregnancy; no morning sickness, no huge mood swings or weight gain. Bruce smoked around me during the pregnancy and after Cloe's birth. I should have insisted he stop but it didn't seem like a big deal." 

"This was when?" 

"1991. A lot of research and information ago. That was before the big effort to stop putting babies to sleep on their stomachs and keep them away from smoke. I'd heard of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome but never worried about it. I guess I should have, maybe then my baby wouldn't have paid the price." 

"C.J., how could you have known? You're not to blame. It wasn't your fault."His voice was passionate in a desperate bid to reassure her. 

"That's logic. I have emotion. I have the broken heart."She got up from the bed and moved off still clutching the bear. 

Danny worried she was pulling away. But he decided to remain silent believing words were empty. He prayed C.J. realized that even without words, his actions now and in their past spoke volumes. He watched her pace to the bedroom window and violently shut it. "It's cold Danny, our little taste of spring is gone." 

"It'll be back like it always is, it's warm in here."He threw back the covers and waited for her to return. He wanted her to come back to bed and back to him. 

She gave him a tentative smile as she approached. She settled back under the covers next to Danny. C.J. retrieved the picture frame from its face down position on the bed. 

"Be careful, C.J., don't cut yourself on the cracked glass." 

"Your concern is so comforting. Would you let me put my head on your shoulder?' 

"You don't have to ask." 

"I need to be close to you Danny and I need you to know the rest."She nestled her head on his shoulder and he put an arm around her as they settled against the headboard. 

"I loved my daughter from the start but I was restless. It was an easy labor and delivery. She was a good baby. But there wasn't an overwhelming bond. We weren't a family." 

"Tell me what you mean." 

"Bruce wasn't like you, over the moon at being a father. He was indifferent and jealous." 

"Of the baby?" 

"Yes, he expected a boy. Instead, Cloe was a girl and a namesake for me. She looked a lot like him but that wasn't enough. It wasn't just the baby, it was me too." 

"I can't imagine there being anything wrong with you." 

"I didn't make him the focus of the universe. I had the baby to take care of especially because he didn't do much. I was still fragile emotionally over Collin's death and to top it all off I was more in demand than Bruce." 

"For campaign work." 

"Yeah, even on a maternity break. They weren't asking for Bruce Englund. They were asking Bruce Englund about his wife's availability." 

"How did you juggle all that?" 

"I wasn't interested in a lot of work at first. But then I did take some things on. I tried to stay low key. The baby wasn't difficult so I could focus on getting back to work to get back in Bruce's good graces. If I'd paid more attention to mothering, maybe I would have noticed more about Claudia Olivia." 

"But she wasn't sick." 

"Not really. She seemed a little fussy, a little congested especially when the house was closed up and the windows didn't get opened." 

"Did you worry about air quality, is there a conclusive link between second hand smoke and SIDS?" 

"Not quite Danny. But it wasn't good for breathing problems. You just want an answer when you lose a child that way. There usually isn't one. See, deaths have gone down 40% since the 'Back To Sleep' campaign. It started in 1994." 

"No more sheepskins in the crib either, right?" 

"Correct. Now research is looking into a rare heart defect." 

Danny understood C.J. and how she coped. "You became an expert on crib death as a way of surviving your loss." 

"It was one of the few avenues left to me. That and my work but I almost gave it up. I believed it was one of the reasons Cloe died." 

"That doesn't seem possible, C.J." 

"I wasn't working full time but doing some freelance. I'd been up all night on a project. I fell asleep while Claudia Olivia was napping in her crib." 

"Every parent does that especially in those early days when sleep is harder to come by than bipartisan support for a Bartlet Bill." 

She gave him a small smile. "I zonked out on the couch hoping a half hour would recharge me. Figured Cloe was good for a couple of hours." 

"Were you nursing her?" 

C.J. looked pained, "I did it for six weeks before quitting." 

"At least you tried it before you decided you didn't like it." 

"Didn't mind it but I put her on formula for Bruce." 

"So he could feed her and be more involved?" 

"That was my hope. After the first few weeks he complained when I brought her back to bed to nurse her. It disturbed his sleep." 

"You've got to be kidding." 

"Wish I was, he fed her only when had to do it. When she was a month old he insisted Claudia Olivia be in the nursery so he'd have undisturbed sleep and we'd have privacy." 

"Wow." 

"She nursed your son?" 

"Yeah and I liked watching. It was so basic, the essence of life and I envied the connection. I was jealous, I suppose." 

"God, I'd have given anything for that to have been the kind of jealousy Bruce felt."Her hurt was momentarily blunted by curiosity. "What's your son's name?" 

"We don't have to talk about him tonight." 

"Please, tell me." 

"His name is Patrick Joseph." 

"A fine Irish lad." 

"You bet, red hair and freckles. See, he was born on. . ." 

". . . don't tell me, St. Patrick's Day." 

"No, March 18th. Since he fell between the two feast days of St. Patrick and St. Joseph, it made naming him simple." 

"I remember from your security file that your middle name is Joseph." 

Danny nodded, "Like Claudia for your family, we use Joseph. His mom's name is Trish, Patricia." 

"Handy." 

"C.J., we usually call him P.J." 

"No." 

"Uh-huh or Patrick." 

"How old is he?" 

"Seven." 

"He was born the year you started here at the White House." 

"Yeah, it was the best of times, worst of times. They didn't move here with me." 

"That's too bad." 

He shrugged but she could see it still bothered him. "You and I are aware we both had burdens to bear." 

"Relationship baggage." 

"Our children aren't baggage, C.J." 

"Our children?" 

"I want to know about Claudia Olivia. I want Cloe to matter to me too." 

"Then you have to hear the rest of it."She pulled the golden plush bear close as she clutched Danny's hand. "My half hour nap turned into several hours of undisturbed sleep." 

"That's not a crime." 

"It is when your husband comes slamming into the house and jars you awake."Her breathing was ragged, "Bruce couldn't believe I was asleep at six in the evening." 

Danny laid his other hand over their clasped hands and C.J. went on, "I was fuzzy but realized Cloe was quiet. The baby monitor was right there and silent. He went down the hall tossing back some smart ass remark about having to get both of us on a better schedule." 

"You can stop now." 

"No, in for a penny. . . I stumbled behind him toward the nursery. He went in and she was in her crib, on her stomach with a fist near her mouth. She looked so peaceful." 

Tears formed in Danny's eyes but he kept silent allowing C.J. the option to continue. He prayed they'd get through this and be better off for having it in the open. 

"Danny, he touched her and then jerked his hand back. She was already cool. Bruce nudged her and nothing happened. I started to feel this cold fist gripping my heart and I went to the crib. My baby was dead and I'd slept through it." 

"That's not what happened." 

"Sure it was. I started rubbing Cloe's back while Bruce found the phone. She was cool, not cold. It hadn't been too long. Guess I thought I could warm her up or soothe her. He just stood there staring." 

"He didn't hold you? Either of you?" 

"I think he was afraid to touch the baby again." She had closed her eyes reliving the sights and sounds she'd tried to bury, "We heard the sirens and he went out to meet them. I was certain she was dead but I prayed they could bring her back." 

"Of course, you did." 

"It was more than that. I'd suddenly found out how much I loved her. It was a searing pain. I was a mother to this incredible daughter and she was gone." 

"Claudia Olivia never doubted your love. I believe babies have a patience built in to allow us to get better at showing that love." 

"That is a lovely thought, Danny." 

"And possible?" 

"I hope so." 

"You took good care of Cloe." 

"Up to a point. I watched the EMTs try to revive her. But it was for us, they could see she was gone. The police walked me out quickly." 

"He stayed behind?" 

"God, no. Bruce bolted the minute help arrived. He had to get his alibi in early." 

"Alibi? C.J. there were questions about abuse?" 

She shook Danny gently. "Focus on the circumstances and think like a reporter not as someone personally involved." 

C.J. was correct, he was already deeply involved in the life of a baby girl whose existence was a mystery to him before now. "Yeah, questions, okay. That just added to the misery." 

"You'd think so but in some small way it helped me focus. The officers were good, extremely kind. They asked Bruce if he wanted to sit with me while they questioned me. He announced one more time that he'd been gone all day and when he left the baby was fine." 

C.J. snorted, "Of course, he referred to Cloe as she. When Claudia Olivia stopped breathing, she ceased to exist in this life and in Bruce's world." 

"It was shock."Danny was shocked himself that someone could be so calculating and cold. 

"No, it was Bruce. He went outside. The officer asked if Cloe had been sick. And she hadn't been really, a little fussy and a little congested. I'm not paying attention, I already told you that." 

"BUT you paid attention to your daughter. She wasn't neglected." 

"No and I'd checked with the pediatrician. I'd even called Olivia that morning. Remember she was the nurse with me when Claudia Olivia was born. I double-checked the symptoms with her." 

"Cloe has a good Mom." 

She painfully corrected him, "Had, Danny." 

"You're still her Mom." 

"Always and it meant more after I lost my baby." C.J. let her chin drop. "I have to tell you the rest." 

He kissed her tenderly, "Fine. Take your time and do it so it works for you." 

"The officers noted the pediatrician's number and they called Olivia for me."C.J. let a shudder run through her, "She got there in record time and came in crying. Bruce came in with her." 

"Good to have a friendly face." 

"Olivia talked to the police and then the EMTs in the nursery. They were ready to leave but Olivia insisted they wait." 

"They wanted to get you out of the house." 

"Not at that point. She came out to see if we wanted a minute with the baby for our goodbyes." 

"Oh, God." 

"It sounds harsh. However, it was the right thing. Bruce didn't move, just shook his head." 

"You were alone?" 

"Olivia went in with me. She had Cloe in a blanket and handed her to me. Then, Olivia left us alone." 

Danny felt tears on his cheeks as C.J. measured her words to choke them out. He squeezed her hand at the quaver in her voice. "I held Claudia Olivia and told her I loved her and that I was sorry. She looked peaceful and that was important to see." 

C.J.'s breath came in gasps, "I said a prayer asking God and His angels to look out for my little girl. Silly, because she was already with them." 

"Had she been baptized?' 

"No but the police had called their chaplain. He gave Cloe her first and last sacraments within minutes." 

"It helped." 

"In that time frame. Of course, that was before I began to hate God." 

"Screaming at the heavens seems like a reasonable response." 

"That happened after the shock wore off."She hugged the stuffed animal again. "I put my daughter back in the crib and grabbed this off the shelf. The officers led us to a spot in the house where we wouldn't see them take her out." 

"You get to remember her at peace." 

"I made sure I kissed her face and that little fist before. . ." 

"I'm happy you have that left."Danny swallowed hard, "Not happy, glad for you, content, what the hell do I want to say?" 

"You're fine. I get what you mean and it's sweet that my man of a million words is fumbling for one." 

He found himself moved at being dubbed her man and at C.J.'s generous attempts to assuage HIS pain. "Well, my woman is remarkable." 

"Not really. I just survived one of the worst things in the world. I didn't do it in noble aloneness, I had help." 

"From Bruce." 

"No, he was gone." 

"He left you?" 

"Physically, he was still there. But intellectually he closed off. He'd been edging away emotionally after Cloe's birth. This finished it for him." 

"Can't imagine facing the loss alone." 

"Luckily, I had my brother. I called him and he said the right thing, I'll be there." 

"Naturally." 

"By the time he called back to say he'd arrive in the morning, it was late. Olivia had us decide on a funeral home and Bruce called them." 

"At least he did something." 

"You're right, it was the least he could do. He told them to cremate Claudia Olivia and there would not be calling hours, a wake or service." 

"Was that what you wanted?" 

"I was slipping into shock and big time denial. However, I roused myself enough to yell that Claudia Olivia Englund deserved a Mass and a tombstone." 

"Cloe mattered to people." 

"Yes, Bruce said something about scattering the ashes and I told him that wouldn't erase her or how she died." 

"I'm sorry, C.J. but he sounds like a jerk." 

"He is and worse. I was aware of the pattern and tolerated it because it had never been personally directed at me." 

"Tell me what you mean." 

"He plotted deliberate courses in campaigns and in his life. When something deviated from his expected outcome and disappointed him, he'd write it off." 

"That works fine in jobs but not with people." 

"He'd already done it with his parents. They were from a modest background and didn't fit the image he'd created for himself. I never met them or even talked to them on the phone." 

"But you and the baby. . ." 

"We were part of the package. When we didn't fit into his life plans, we were disposable." 

"No." 

"Danny . . ." 

"Not you C.J. and not Claudia Olivia."Danny shook his head, "It had to be his way of dealing with his grief and shock." 

"When we were finally alone I asked Bruce if he blamed me. He shrugged his shoulders and said I hadn't been deliberately neglectful but the baby was fine when he left." 

Danny folded his arms around C.J. and tightened his grasp. "He should have held you and shared the loss of Cloe." 

"He went to bed and I held on to this. I slept on the couch, the same one I'd napped on while my daughter drew her final breath." 

She gave a hollow laugh. "Ironically, I woke up several times during the night because I swore I heard her stirring on the baby monitor. We forgot to turn it off." 

"That must have been a long night." 

"I was glad to see the dawn because my brother would come and I'd have someone on my side." 

"Your husband should have done that with Drew as backup." 

"Should haves aren't always real."She shuddered, "The coroner's office called to say there was no sign of a violent death. Claudia Olivia Englund was ruled a victim of crib death." 

"But it gets listed as SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome." 

"Yeah, the American SIDS Institute says it's the third leading cause of infant mortality after prematurity and low birth weight or congenital anomalies." 

She pressed a hand to her forehead and looked horrified. "I'm telling you about my daughter dying and citing facts. I'm a cold hearted bitch." 

"The hell you are, you're coping with Cloe's death in the best way you can, the only way. You learned all you could to realize you did all you could." 

"Knowledge might be power but it can't always comfort. There's also a research conclusion that 60 -70 % of SIDS deaths are because of a chronic abnormality that occurs before birth." 

"Something you had no control over." 

"I didn't smoke, well not much but I was around smokers. She was a little underweight at birth, that could have been a clue." 

"Or not. C.J. there are too many variables."Danny held her tight. 

"They released her body to the funeral home. Bruce tried one more time to convince me to spread her ashes at a nearby beach and forgo a Mass." 

"Was the beach a special place?" 

"Not to me. It was convenient and expedient for him. I refused and said I'd call a local church. Suddenly, I realized I wanted her in a safe place. So I told him that she would be buried in California." 

"You don't have family there, do you?" 

"No, but in Novato there is a small, old Catholic church. It has a burial ground and a memory garden. I wanted Claudia Olivia there." 

"Marin County is beautiful and you love that area. Now, I understand one of the reasons why." 

"Bruce didn't argue, just shrugged and told me to make my arrangements. He went to deliver some files to a campaign." 

"This is like bad melodrama, he's a robot." 

"Bad choices in my life, the start of a long run of them."She released Danny's hand to run her fingers through her hair. 

"Once I was alone in the house things started to close in. But I hung tough and made the necessary calls to California and a local church. I called the funeral director to let him know where the Mass would be the next day. We set up wording on a death notice, sadly it was very short." 

"A long death notice or a flashy obituary isn't the only sign of a life well lived and a person being well loved." 

"Forced myself to get dressed and to stop at the funeral home before going to the airport. It hit me that I needed to give Cloe something. I thought of the locket but she needed it to be just from me." 

"That's always good, like the ancient Egyptians. Send them on with treasures." 

"Searched my jewelry box and found my charm bracelet. It was a present for my thirteenth birthday and over the years the charms came from all the Creggs. Cloe had something linking her to my parents, her grandparents. Also to Drew and Collin." 

"That was the perfect thing." 

"Again, one of the few wise decisions I was to make for a long time."She took Danny's hand and linked their fingers together. "I grabbed the bear and the bracelet but my car was gone. I took Bruce's after leaving a note." 

"Did it help to be in a different car?" 

"It was big enough for the airport run and didn't have a car seat. No sign of Cloe in her own father's car." 

"You know he was really more of a sperm donor." 

"That's what Drew said at some point."She tightened her grip on Danny's fingers and smiled, "You two seem to be like minded." 

He turned over their joined hands to kiss her hand. He followed up by leaning in and kissing her on the lips lightly but the tenderness came through. "I can't think of a higher compliment." 

"I needed Drew even more as the day wore on. I stopped at the church and then left the bracelet at the funeral home. Everyone was solicitous but curious that I was doing all this alone. I tried to make excuses for Bruce but had none. It was a relief to have the long drive to the airport. I wanted to compose myself to face Drew." 

"Noble and typical. I doubt that mattered." 

"At the time, it mattered to me. Putting on a good public face was something that Bruce drilled into his clients and me. Last time I was the good and dutiful wife." 

C.J. continued, "I pulled in and made it to the gate as the plane landed. The jet way door opened and there was Drew. I was in his arms and over my shoulder I saw Gwen." 

"Your sister-in-law." 

"At the time, only Drew's girlfriend. She hugged me too and said she wanted to come but if she was intruding, she'd get on the next return flight." 

"I'm glad you had your own support system." 

"Figured out in that instant that she was perfect for Drew and I was envious. They were already more in sync emotionally then I'd ever been with my husband. 

"Speaking of him, Drew assumed he was out in the car and got stone faced when I lamely explained Bruce had gone to work. There was no luggage to claim so we headed back. I repeated the details of the service and ended up telling them she'd be interred in California. 

"Gwen said I could drop her at a hotel if Bruce and I just wanted Drew around. I insisted they stay on our sleeper sofa without giving Bruce's wishes any weight. Didn't dawn on me that the sofa bed was too short for my tall brother."Her voice cracked, "But he never complained." 

"Not in a million lifetimes." 

"I automatically made small talk about the flight, the weather and lunch. Drew just urged me to go home."C.J. corrected herself, "No, it wasn't a home to anyone anymore. It was just a house." 

"Drew had been there?" 

"Yes, Drew visited once before I had Cloe and once after." 

"Had you heard from Bruce?" 

She shook her head. "As we turned onto the street, a truck passed going the opposite way. It was from a charity, one of those that picks up items." 

"Funny the things that stick in your mind." 

"Not funny ha-ha though."She blew out air to calm herself again after all this time. "Turns out the truck carried everything left in the house associated with Cloe." 

"What the hell?" 

"Yeah, while I was out Bruce got a charity to take everything even the clean baby clothes folded and piled on the dryer that I hadn't put away." 

"What a bastard." 

"You're right Danny. However, he was practical." 

"How so?" 

"He got a receipt for the tax donation." 

"No heart in him." 

"When we became aware of what Bruce had done, there was this stunned silence."She gave a grim smile, "I thought my brother was going to rip him apart looking for Bruce's heart, I doubt he'd have found one." 

"I'm figuring Drew went after him once the initial shock subsided." 

"Oh, there's more."She faced Danny, "It'll explain my hysteria over the pictures." 

"I don't need an explanation." 

"We've talked about baggage, I want to unpack mine or abandon it at baggage claim." 

"C.J., you can share anything with me that you want to." 

She gave him a long direct stare and trailed her fingers through his hair and beard. "God, that better be true." 

Her statements and attitude piqued Danny's curiosity. But he stayed silent angling his mouth to kiss her palm as it rested on his face. 

His lips sent a small tremor through her with his loving ways. She lowered her hand and eased back onto Danny's chest. She clasped his arms around her and stroked his hands. He heard her draw a deep breath and it caught as she told him, "We smelled something odd, a combination of chemicals and smoke. Drew asked if conditions were dry enough for a brush fire. That reminded Bruce he needed to dump more water on the barbecue." 

"I don't understand." 

"We smelled photo chemicals, Danny. Bruce took all the envelopes of pictures and negatives of Cloe, even pictures of me pregnant and burned them." 

"God, C.J. I feel sick. How could he be so cruel? He is truly a bastard." 

"I don't mean to defend him but I guess I have to, to make myself look better for being with him. It was his way of coping and moving on." 

"No, it's the action of a self-centered coward." 

"Drew didn't call him a coward but my brother used the term self-centered among other words. He had Bruce slammed against a wall until Gwen and I intervened." 

"Only to save Drew." 

"Yeah, when the hand was off his windpipe Bruce made some excuse about doing what was best." 

"Best for whom?" 

"That was never established. "C.J. shuddered, "Drew followed Bruce out to see if anything could be salvaged." 

"It's even more understandable why you cherish these pictures."Danny lightly touched a corner of the multi-picture frame. "I'm happy for you C.J. to see something was saved from Cloe's things." 

"You're a good man, darling." 

He looked up in surprised because she rarely used endearments. 

C.J. smiled sadly, "These are copies of Drew's pictures. I had them taken for his birthday at his request. It was when Claudia Olivia was nearly three months old. I used a photographer who did campaign work. Everything else went up in flames with my marriage and my family." 

Her voice broke and Danny eased the frame from her hands and wrapped his arms around her. He enfolded her body with his legs and slid them down allowing C.J. to lay her head on his cheek. "Cry, C.J. It's the least Claudia Olivia deserves." 

*** 

C.J. wept in Danny's arms mourning once more the death of her four month old daughter. For the first time in years, she could share the grief of Claudia Olivia's loss with someone other than family. 

Her sobs lessened but another sound stunned her. Danny's breath came in catches and she felt his tears coursing down to dampen her hair. 

A female pair of tear stained hazel eyes connected with a pair of male eyes, red rimmed Irish blue eyes. "Danny, you're crying too." 

He was awestruck at the wonder in her voice and his tears flowed harder. "Damn it, C.J. How could anyone not be affected by just hearing about Cloe? Knowing you and how deeply you care, I'm amazed I kept myself under some semblance of control up until now." 

"It matters to you." 

"Not it."He turned C.J.'s chin to face him straight on. "Claudia Olivia matters, you matter. Always." 

"Thank you. It's more than I got from her father." 

"You had your brother, Gwen and other friends." 

"A few, more than I thought. It's how Josh became so dear to me." 

"He wasn't in Florida at that time." 

"No, he was a campaign consulting hotshot. I'd done a few jobs for him, as had Bruce." 

She sat up and shook back her hair. "Danny, let me finish telling you about that time." 

He brushed the hair further off her face. "As long as it's with the condition that if you want to stop, you do and that will be it." 

C.J. sighed, certain that it would be easier to do that. Easier but the coward's way out. "No, we press on. Drew told Bruce to get out and come back when things had cooled down. My brother was thinking the next Ice Age but Gwen wisely set a time, closer to dinner." 

"Where were you?" 

"Just sitting there clutching Cloe's teddy bear. I was terrified if I put it down, Bruce would get rid of it too." 

"I doubt he could have gotten through Drew or Gwen." 

"Gwen took me to my bedroom and made me lie down. She took out the phone and closed the door. I was like a zombie until Drew came in. He got on the bed and started humming songs our Mom had comforted us with when we were kids." 

She stroked the plush fur. "He asked softly if I'd sung those to Claudia Olivia. It opened the dam and I cried a river, a salt water river right through the chasm in my heart." 

"Had you sung to your Cloe?" 

"If it crossed my mind, if I wasn't distracted by other things like work and Bruce. It was just one more thing I failed at in my short time with her." 

"I'll bet you unconsciously sang to your daughter. It would be automatic." 

C.J. stopped her motions on the bear to reach a hand up to caress Danny's cheek letting her fingers trail down his chest to rest her hand on his heart. "Tell me what you sang to your son." 

"Anything I could remember the words to meaning he mostly heard 'Take Me Out To The Ballgame' and 'The Notre Dame Fight Song'. Most of the time I sort of hummed not recognizing the tune or the action. It was automatic with rocking and holding." 

"Maybe I'll have you test that theory on me." 

"Now?" 

"Later."She kissed him quickly but with a tenderness Danny had never tasted. When her lips left his, she settled back onto his chest. "I fell asleep with Drew cuddling me and my stoic big brother never moved until I woke up." 

Her hand found Danny's arm. "Gwen had dinner ready and Bruce returned. Some neighbors dropped by. We didn't know them well but we were a curiosity and a duty." 

He kissed the top of her head as a small sign of support. C.J. continued, "Drew told Bruce to sleep wherever he wanted as long as it wasn't the bedroom or the sleeper sofa and to be at the church on time." 

"An enforcer." 

"Bruce followed the, hmmm let's call it advice." C.J sighed, "Drew could see my husband and I were just marking time but I couldn't see past the funeral." 

"They're supposed to reassure the living but in your case, no need. There's no doubt Claudia Olivia went straight to Heaven." 

"I wanted to believe that on the days I believed in God and Heaven."She stopped stroking his arm. "That was the day I became C.J." 

"Because hearing the name Claudia even Claudia Jean was too painful a reminder." 

"You understand. It was also a tribute to Collin. Poor Drew never got it or adjusted but because he's family I cut him some slack. >From that day on, for a long time I'd bite someone's head off if they didn't call me C.J." 

She amended her statement with a shake of her head, "Josh was the exception then and now." 

"I wasn't aware he was family to you then." 

"During Claudia Olivia's funeral Mass I heard a deep voice clearing his throat. I glanced back and it was Josh."C.J. shook her head in amazement at the memory. "He flew in for the service and he had never seen her." 

"That sounds like Josh however much he tries to hide that side. His contacts are everywhere but still astounding that he heard." 

"Simpler than that. He'd called the day before when I was sleeping. Gwen fielded the call and informed Josh I wasn't up for work because of Cloe. He never argued and never said he was on the way. He was simply there." 

"The gesture said more than words."Danny made a mental note to thank Josh after he shouted at him for keeping this part of C.J.'s life a secret. 

She nodded and gave a little laugh. "Bruce noticed him and after Mass couldn't bolt out of the front pew fast enough to fawn all over Josh." 

"Well for an astute political mind, Bruce whiffed. He sealed his fate with Josh at that point." 

"Plus, anyone Josh trusted and respected. That makes up a pretty formidable rolodex."She burrowed deeper into Danny's arms. "Josh pulled my brother aside and gave him a business card in case I needed anything including work when I was ready." 

"But being perceptive and ever sensitive, Josh didn't mention it to you. That way Bruce was also in the dark." 

"None of that mattered at that moment. I was taking Cloe's ashes to Novato. Bruce announced he wasn't going." 

"It shouldn't surprise me. You -- you and Cloe didn't deserve that kind of shabbiness. What a son of a bitch." 

"Guess he was, never occurred to me then that he didn't want to be alone with me. My brother came along and turned out to be the best choice." 

She sighed, "The priest was kind and the spot lovely. I felt warmth and peace there. It was the last time I had that sensation for a lifetime." 

"You came back to Florida and went back to work." 

"Not exactly. I returned to find a lawyer's business card and a note from my husband." 

"Time to take out a contract on this guy or put a stake through his heart." 

"He did me a favor. The note said he wanted a divorce because, wait for it, the marriage hadn't worked out for him." 

"God, C.J. it must have been like being on a raft in a hurricane." 

"Honestly, I'd suspected that was his plan. I called a real estate agent, a lawyer and my brother. By day's end I was in a hotel and by week's end, staying with Drew." 

"I take it the divorce was simple." 

"Should have taken him to the cleaners but I just wanted my name, my new name and my assets. I couldn't have my baby but I had the bear, the locket and these pictures my brother had copied." 

"You're an amazing woman. From that, you rebuilt your life in California and in campaigns to become a respected politician and an admired role model." 

Danny meant to follow his heartfelt words with actions. He stretched to draw C.J. closer and to let his body cover hers. He wanted this time to show her he understood her past agony while offering soothing caresses and silence. 

Before he could nestle, C.J. sprang up and speaking in a tight, rapid voice announced, "You're probably thirsty and I want to get you a fresh bandage." 

He started to protest but she was gone from his arms and the bedroom before he could utter a sound. 

Danny wondered how far she'd run away from him and her emotions. 

*** 

Danny studied the pictures in the frame with the cracked glass. The photo of the baby showed a dark haired, dark eyed little girl. He noticed that Claudia Olivia had C.J.'s chin and nose. The one of C.J. and the baby revealed C.J. in shorter, darker hair with a pensive expression as she held Cloe. 

His gaze switched to the doorway watching for C.J.'s return. She'd gone to the kitchen to collect herself. He felt like he knew even more about the woman who was taking over his heart. 

He'd always suspected she'd had her own heart broken but until tonight he didn't realize it had been ripped open by the death of her infant daughter. Piled on top of that tragedy was the discovery her ex-husband was callous and not in it for the long haul. 

C.J. had revealed all this in Danny's arms. He vowed not to press her for more but didn't want to let her close off to him either. Her heart had been gashed open and healed over. It had to be opened again gently by his caring. 

*** 

She drew a deep breath outside her bedroom doorway and snuggled further into Danny's shirt. C.J. carried a bottle of water and a fresh bandage for his wound. She decided tending to it was the least she could do before wounding his heart. 

C.J. threw back her shoulders and burst into the room. "Florence Nightingale reporting for duty." 

"Also Molly Pitcher since you brought water." 

She smiled, "We are definitely geeks at times. Not many lovers use American History references in the bedroom." 

He took the bottle of water she offered as he answered, "Just makes us even more unique." 

She cocked an eyebrow. "Unique isn't always a positive description and it does rhyme with geek." 

"True, but it has to be an asset in our case." 

"Yet to be determined."C.J. took Danny's hand and removed the original bandage from his finger. She gently replaced it and kissed his finger to "make it better". 

Their eyes met and before he could lean in and sample more of her soft side, C.J. was off the bed. Danny watched her walk into the master bathroom with the old bandage. She came back out and just stood nervously twisting her fingers. 

He put the water on the nightstand and held out his arms. "I've run out of superlatives to describe you - incredible, amazing, earth shaking; all trite." 

She shook her head and stayed out of his reach. "You still don't really know me and you might want adjectives that are a little less positive." 

"C.J. I doubt that but if you want, let me be the judge." 

"Judge is the operative word. I AM afraid you'll judge me. However, it can't be any harsher than how I judged myself when I abandoned common sense." 

She crawled onto the bed to sit cross-legged in front of him. "Danny, I'm scared." 

"Then, stop."He held up a hand, "It's your call, it's been your call all night. Decide which fear is stronger." 

Her heard her sigh and C.J. grabbed the hand he held up with both of hers and buried her head on his shoulder. She whispered, "You're right and I don't want to get in the habit of saying that." 

Danny moved his free hand to her hair and kept his voice as low as hers. "You can trust me, C.J." 

"God that better be true or I may have to kill you." 

She straightened up and put purpose into her voice. "Here goes. After Cloe's death and the divorce, I was incredibly raw. I threw myself into my work because it was all I had left." 

"I think most people do that. I did the same thing after my divorce. You have to prove you're not a failure at everything." 

"Danny, did you also throw yourself into the uh, say the uh, social whirl?" 

"Yeah. I dated a lot, typical and common behavior after a divorce." 

"Dating was too personal for me."C.J. drew a deep breath, "I was using every means of self medication: smoking, drinking, smoking other things, popping some pills and sex." 

He kept silent but never let go of her hand while she went on. "I especially liked the combo of alcohol and a one night stand." 

"We've all got those regrets, C.J."He ran through his mental rolodex and winced, "Been there, done that." 

"What turned you around?"She secretly wondered if he'd admit it was when he first became aware of her. 

Danny gave a rueful laugh. "I found out that 'Love'em and Leave'em Concannon' was mentioned in the orientation for female interns. They were told to steer clear of me and a few others." 

"You just chased sweet young things?" 

He put on an insulted tone. "Hey, I wasn't deflowering virgins. Truth be told, some of those maidens were after me and pretty persistent. Not to mention a lot more experienced and bold than I'd been at that age." 

"Sure they wanted you. You're a big time reporter and well, big." 

"Thank you and I didn't chase toddlers." 

"Bragging or trying to make amends?" 

"C.J., I was a pig for awhile and I'm not proud of it. I cut back on my drinking and became a lot more selective in my dating." 

"All that came about because of the intern warning?" 

"Among other things."He shrugged, "Someone gave me wise advice; better to be lonely than feeling alone in a bad relationship." 

"Fortune cookie?" 

"No. It's inane but proved true for me."Danny leaned back on the pillows to rest his head on the brass headboard. "Then, I became a better friend to my ex-wife and a better father to my son. Gave me too much time though to be a good reporter." 

"A Pulitzer Prize winner." 

"You did the same thing. You were pretty single minded on the campaign trail and in the early days at the White House." 

"Danny, just because I resisted you for awhile doesn't mean I was a nun." 

"I like to think you were saving yourself for me until I swept you off your feet with a goldfish." 

C.J laughed, "Enjoy that delusion." 

"Honestly C.J. I found you fascinating in the heartlands during the race but figured you would be off on another campaign or back to Hollywood." 

"Couldn't face that shallowness again and as corny as it sounds, I yearned to make a difference." 

"You implied the campaign trail was your salvation." 

"The work, yes. The wildlife, no." 

"It's always going to be a place to hook up." 

"Danny, I didn't hook up."She was about to change the light mood they'd diverted themselves with for a little while. "I picked up. If you were willing to party, I was willing." 

"Willing to what?"He had a feeling he'd hate her answer. 

C.J. looked him dead in the eye and sighed. "Willing." 

"So it was how you coped with your losses." 

"I didn't cope. I masked one kind of pain with another. I devalued myself because I thought it was what I deserved." 

"You didn't deserve anything but caring and compassion. You should have met me." 

"Oh Lord, no. I'd have seduced you and tossed you aside to move on to the next night's conquest." 

"Never looked back?"Danny felt pain on C.J.'s behalf. 

"Not until my wake up call." 

He admitted, "I can relate." 

"Pregnancy scare?"C.J. tried to imagine what Danny was like at that time wondering if he could have been her redemption. 

"No, I was careful in that area. After a string of lobbyists, reporters, interns, congressional aides and one congresswoman, I had two jolts." 

"Turned you on to the path to righteousness and goodness." 

"Big time." 

"Going to tell?" 

It was Danny's turn to sigh. "One woman became too possessive and I ended up getting a restraining order." 

"Whoa, should I worry?" 

She heard the firmness in his voice as he took her hand. "I'd never let her near you. Besides, she left town." 

"The other reality check?" 

"A Senator's wife who I thought was estranged from her husband. He heard she was seeing someone and was enraged rather than estranged." 

"Her dazzling youth blinded you to the attachment?" 

"Actually, she wasn't a trophy wife. She was the original and my elder by some years." 

"And being a gentleman, you're not sharing her name." 

"I will if you want me to, though I'd rather not. That episode riveted my attention on how I lived my life." 

"Easy to see why." 

"After that, I took a vow of celibacy until I met you." 

She snorted and shook her head as she gave him a smirk. "I've been around too long to buy that." 

"Give a guy points for trying. You have to admit my boyish charm is hard to resist." 

"The fact that I'm wearing your shirt and you're naked in my bed confirms that."She plucked at the blanket as if searching for a loose thread. "These days it's unusual. Back then, you'd have been simply one more notch in my frequent stay card at a chain hotel." 

He wanted to think C.J. was exaggerating. But each succeeding word carried increasing anguish and Danny didn't know if either of them wanted this to go farther. 

His hand closed over hers on the blanket. "We can be done with this right now." 

Tears formed in her eyes and she looked at him gratefully. "Thank you but I don't want any more secrets. You should be aware of my past." 

"All I'm aware of is how much you enrich my present." 

"God, Danny, stop or I'll never get through this." 

She dropped his hand and folded her hands together. He felt a pang over the loss of contact. "C.J., if you don't want me near, should I get Cloe's things?" 

"No, this has nothing to do with the good in my life." 

"Okay." 

"You talked about your two reality checks."She inched farther away from him. "I had a pair myself. A guy I picked up one night while working on a minor league level campaign was, well, less than satisfied with me." 

Danny kept silent and she seemed to accept that so C.J. continued, "He finished in record time but left me hanging. There wasn't enough foreplay. I let him know I was looking for more." 

She shuddered. "I got more. He slapped me around and blamed me for being a frigid, dried up bitch." 

"He hurt you."Danny's rage was so near the surface it took all of his energy to control it. 

"Yeah, in and out. The emotional part of my self-esteem took another stomping. But other than a few bruises I was physically okay." 

"Was it tough to get him convicted?" 

"He was never arrested." 

"For God's sake, C.J -- why?" 

"It was suggested to me by another staffer but I didn't know his name and I'd been pretty drunk. I wasn't sure I could pick him out of a hotel lobby let alone a line up." 

Danny choked down the bile fueling his anger and agony. "Following that, you were more careful." 

"Well, more discriminating. I earned my stripes to work the bigger campaigns. I was in contact with more prominent strategists and candidates." 

"Josh." 

"More and more. I also met Toby and Leo was a legend I saw work from afar." 

"They were lucky to have you on the team." 

"Eventually. I still had to make one more colossal miscalculation before I sobered up and wised up." 

"We both survived." 

"Barely for me at my low point. Danny,"her voice dropped to a near whisper, "I slept with John Hoynes." 

"Oh." 

A weight lifted off of C.J.'s shoulders when she didn't hear anger or recrimination in that single syllable. Her voice strengthened with her admission, "Okay. Let me clarify. I went up to a hotel room with him and had sex. There was no sleeping and most importantly no repeat performance." 

"He wasn't important to you?" 

"No, not at all. He was handy and so was I. He was randy and so was I. I was drinking alone after hearing my ex was getting married again. Bruce picked a former North Carolina beauty queen." 

"Predictable." 

"Yeah, however it still rocked me. I was alone and lonely. I felt like the ugliest woman in the world." 

"John Hoynes preyed on that vulnerability." 

"True but I let him. Even in my alcoholic haze I was aware it was a mistake." 

"He better not have hurt you." 

"No, I was just the vessel to fill his needs. In turnabout is fair play, I was another lay in his testosterone travels." 

"Deny it all you want, it DID hurt." 

"Mainly because of other people and other things." 

"I don't understand." 

"You don't understand that singular instance, I had tons of events I didn't understand." 

"Stop beating yourself up." 

"I can't help it. I'm still mortified about my behavior especially since I continually risked everything. It was even truer with Hoynes." 

"Because he was a married Senator." 

"Yeah, he was the only prominent man or at least the only one I can recall."She faced Danny for the first time since she uttered Hoynes' name. "But he was the last huge mistake." 

"It was only a matter of time before you collected yourself." 

"A whole chain of things in that last escapade haunted me. I remembered Toby being in the lobby and watching me get on the elevator."She sighed, "The next morning Josh found me and sat me down." 

"Toby told him?" 

"Either that or John Hoynes bragged. Josh was about to join his staff." 

"I always got why Josh thought Hoynes was a sure thing on the political side of the ledger. On the personal side, though Hoynes is a big negative." 

"Thanks."She laughed dryly at Danny's stricken look. "I understood what you meant. I cost myself a job with Josh on the Hoynes staff by my indiscretion." 

"Nobody is blunter than Josh." 

"He blasted me for getting the wrong kind of reputation and promised me it would keep me from working with major names who needed full commitments, not people looking to keep a bed warm." 

"That's blunt." 

"But then in classic Josh fashion, he took my hand and told me that I was dishonoring Cloe's memory by living my life as if nothing mattered." 

"He was right." 

"That dart pierced my already shattered heart and in a strange way started to piece it together." 

"That's when you went to California and did the P.R. thing." 

"One more seismic event at that hotel. My wallet was stolen from my room. I lost the picture of Claudia Olivia I carried with me. It was the one taken in the hospital nursery." 

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry." 

"Of course you are."She took Danny's hands. "Good thing I didn't know you then, I wouldn't have deserved you." 

"Don't ever say that, C.J." 

"From that low point, I went to California and plied my trade in Hollywood. I hated it but it paid obscenely well and gave me some freedom." 

"Why not something in the Marin County area?" 

"Because then I would have kept wallowing in my loss. This way, I could visit Cloe's grave but it wasn't as easy as just going around the corner." 

"I remember now that on our campaign stop in northern California, Mandy handled all the press stuff." 

"My stipulation. I have as much time as possible to myself in that area to be with Claudia Olivia." 

"C.J., I wish you'd take me there when we travel there in June. But only if you want." 

She experienced a rare calm but needed concrete proof. "You still want me despite all I've revealed about my sordid past." 

"Yes, and . . ." 

"Wait, will you be able to deal with Hoynes?" 

"C.J., the fact that the Vice President is a womanizing son of a bitch is no secret even to the worst political reporter." 

"But, knowing about him and me." 

"That sounds like you had a relationship. It was one night. You've moved past it." 

"And you can too?" 

"Absolutely."Danny chanced sliding his arms around her. When she didn't resist, he nestled her close to his chest to murmur in her ear, "It was before I met you, another lifetime and I only care about who you're sleeping with now." 

"Thank you." 

"However, if he bothers you or you tell me you're dumping me for him, all bets are off. I will exhibit some red headed temper." 

"So you still like me?" 

Danny nearly laughed at the incongruous question until it became clear she was serious. He tightened his grasp and said in his most decisive voice. "I like you. In fact, I have very deep feelings for you that are growing daily." 

She sighed and snuggled closer. In that instant Danny's heart exploded with the inevitability of love. It had being building and became at that moment a certainty. However, he wasn't as sure of C.J.'s feelings and wisely kept his revelation to himself. 

She broke the silence after glancing at the clock. "It's almost dawn." 

"Want to try for some sleep while I head in search of replacement glass?" 

"Stay put, it can wait. I need you more Danny than I need that." 

"Then, here I stay." 

"Tomorrow, I mean today when we go to your place I want to see pictures of Patrick Joseph Concannon." 

"Consider it arranged."He offered a silent prayer of thanks for his healthy son. "He's a great kid and he would have loved Cloe." 

"Too bad they'll never meet." 

"I would have loved her too. In my own way, I already do. I would have been good to her." 

"I have no doubts of that. But if Cloe had lived, we wouldn't be here." 

"Don't be too quick to say that. I'm Irish and I put a lot of stock in fate. We were meant to be together and I think you were also destined to find the best possible political family in the Bartlets and the West Wing Staff." 

"Saved me from drifting from race to race."C.J. eased away from him, "I feel like you can do the job of your shirt and keep me warm enough." 

He watched her toss his shirt on a chair. "Well okay, if you insist. We'll pull up the covers too." 

"Danny, I'm grateful for everything." 

"You don't have to be, I just listened." 

"You did and you didn't judge, you just absorbed it all and shared my pain." 

"Simple human compassion." 

"It's not and you know it." 

"Okay, then I'll ask you to pay up." 

She molded her hand along his chest, "Like this?" 

"Not this time."His voice turned serious, "C.J., for me it's not just about the physical with us." 

"One of the things that astounds me. You're an extraordinary man, Concannon."She reached up to kiss him. "What's your pleasure?" 

In his mind he imagined proclaiming, "Telling you I love you just to say it and see your reaction."But he gave voice to another desire; "Tie up the loose ends for me." 

"Some you know. You are current on my brother and his family. You've lived through the aftermath of Collin's murder." 

"You mentioned your ex remarried. Is he still in North Carolina?" 

"How did you know he's, oh yeah I mentioned the Tarheel beauty queen." 

"Perhaps I made a wrong turn." 

"Not this time. Bruce works for one of those giant conglomerates in the Greensboro High Point Winston Salem sector." 

"Interesting, he gave up politics." 

"Actually it gave him up, at least on the Democratic side. Josh made him persona non grata, yet Bruce tried to work on the Hoynes campaign." 

"That would have been a match made in hell." 

"Bruce is obtuse and arrogant. He didn't figure out that he was finished and tried once more with Josh when he joined the Bartlet campaign." 

"The bastard can smell a winner." 

"Petty of me to enjoy it. However it was also gratifying when Mandy followed Josh's lead on Bruce's end run." 

"Good for Mandy." 

"Josh told her about Bruce's history with me. It's extended to the White House. Bruce was told that if his company comes calling for an audience he's not to be in the party." 

"The Bartlets are up to date then." 

"We have to define the terms a little better. I'm fairly certain Leo and the President are aware of my fiasco with Hoynes. They could find out about Claudia Olivia in my background check." 

"Did you wait that long?" 

"No. Abbey, I mean Mrs. Bartlet learned about it before the President, then the governor, okay her husband."C.J.'s physical and emotional exhaustion was short-circuiting her thought process. 

"Campaign trail confidences are sacred." 

"You proved that with those late night talks with the President." 

"Brought me some great insight and terrific stories. That's when I discovered Jed Bartlet is the real thing." 

"My epiphany came when I was in a strategy session for Abbey. She listed her main priorities and the ones for children included SIDS prevention and research." 

"We covered her causes in the first book. Mrs. Bartlet was unshakable on those points." 

"Abbey may have been positive but some of the advisers thought it was too radical and would force voters to see her as Dr. Bartlet as opposed to Mrs. Bartlet." 

"You disagreed." 

"Not dramatic enough. As Abbey argued the importance of more dollars for SIDS and overall infant mortality -- I burst into tears and stalked out of the room." 

"Understandable and effective." 

"Abbey and Mandy followed me with a bottle of wine."C.J. smiled, "In her best no nonsense voice Dr. Bartlet ordered me to spill it." 

"She's been a good friend." 

"One of the things she does best. Mandy ceded her position too, a noteworthy occurrence." 

"No one had a problem with you making this your cause." 

"The President, the governor then cornered me after I unloaded to Abbey. He believed I was doing the only good thing I could with my tragedy and immediately handed me a check for the research chair." 

"Okay, I was going to ask how you learned so much." 

"I did my own crash course following Claudia Olivia's death. Eventually, when I was making way too much money in Hollywood, I endowed a university research program in Claudia Olivia Cregg's memory." 

He swallowed hard over the lump of emotion C.J.'s largesse sparked. "I approve of what you named it, I'm sure it's been a big help." 

"Every month I send a check to the national organization. There's a Cloe fund." 

"It's a generous memorial." 

"Seemed like a better idea than just establishing a beautiful crypt." 

That's important too."He drew her closed wrapping his arms and legs around her like a cocoon. "C.J., I can honestly say most times I'm in your apartment especially this room, I'm dazzled, too dazzled to pay much attention to the decor." 

"This is leading somewhere I take it." 

"Flu night was my first one here and I'd noticed pictures -- the campaign, the White House and even a few of us." 

"My Pulitzer Prize winner.", she murmured sleepily. 

"True. Those powers of observation note that the pictures with Cloe and pictures of your family haven't always been out." 

"You're brilliant and you're right." 

"Second time tonight you've announced that indisputable fact. May I get that on tape to play back as needed?" 

"Smartass. After Collin's killer's hearing, you and Drew made me see it was time to stop closing myself off to parts of my past. I want to be more open." 

"More chance of getting hurt." 

"More chance of getting happiness." 

"I want to make you happy." 

"You have and you do."There was more sleepiness in her voice adding a husky note. "Keep up the good work." 

"Aye, aye ma'am. One more loose end." 

"Goodie, go ahead." 

"You mentioned Cloe's church. Is it a pretty place?" 

"Lovely. She's in a crematory and not up too high making it easy for me to touch the plaque. It has a flower holder." 

"I'm glad for both of you." 

"She deserves it. My daughter's marker carries her date of birth and death. I made her mine on that stone." 

"I don't understand." 

"The placard reads 'Claudia Olivia Englund Cregg'." 

"Wow, C.J." 

"You'll see it in June when we fly west. It actually says 'Cloe' at the top in larger letters and 'Cregg' is in the same size." 

"No objections." 

"He's never been there. I guess she's the .4 in his All American average sized family of 2.4 children." 

Danny lifted C.J.'s face to his. "He can't appreciate what he gave up in either case. It's his loss." 

She clung to him and let the tears flow. "It's still so easy to cry when I think of my baby." 

"You should never lose that, it's that open heart." 

"This is better than I could have dreamed. I've wanted to share this with you for a while. I guess it's good you ate too much salty popcorn despite my warnings, tried to sneak off to the bathroom and broke the glass on the frame." 

"That was the subtlest 'I told you so' ever. Whatever. My blood is available for spilling any time you need it." 

"Just hold me." 

Danny searched his mind for a means to comfort the woman he loved when her tears soaked his chest. 

C.J. found herself being rocked as Danny began to hum. Through her sobs she choked out, "That's not the Notre Dame Fight Song." 

"Washington Post March." 

"Very few people can be called kind. Danny, I was lucky to discover that quality in you." 

He shushed her and kept up the music and motions while her crying jag subsided. She whispered in a tear strained voice, "My Claudia Olivia would have loved you for wanting her." 

"It would have been my joy."He kissed the top of C.J.'s head. "Go to sleep, I'll be here." 

She nodded and snuggled down whispering, "You need some sleep too." 

One more question popped into his head. "C.J.?" 

"Huh?" 

"Am I allowed to call you Claudia or Claudia Jean?" 

"You can call me whatever you like." 

She was asleep as the words tumbled out of her mouth and missed hearing Danny whisper, "How about if I call you mine?" 

*** 

Monday morning in the West Wing found Josh Lyman whistling while he stared out his office window. He mirrored the good moods around him after a weekend away from the White House for almost everyone. 

The Bartlets were back and rumor had it visibly relaxed following a leisurely visit with their eldest daughter and her family. 

"Hey, Ivy League." 

"What's up Irish?"Josh turned from the window to greet Danny. "Shouldn't you be at the gaggle gratefully accepting the crumbs we feed you for that rag." 

"You're still delusional. I thought a weekend off would help adjust your brain chemistry." 

"I love the Bartlets, I love the West Wing and I love my job but I gotta confess, it was nice to be off the leash." 

"Enough about your sexual fantasies. It does seem like the whole place is euphoric." 

"Except for Sam."Josh laughed, "Mallory volunteered him to staff the President." 

"Off the record, I'll bet that made Leo seethe." 

"I'm looking for details and I might share." 

"Maybe I'll ask Sam if he'd like to comment on dating an honorary Bartlet girl." 

"You seem pretty chipper, how was your weekend?" 

"Claudia Jean and I made the most of it." 

"She brought me coffee and a muffin." 

Danny carefully enunciated, "Claudia, always surprises you." 

"Yeah. C.J. is . . . wait, you called her by her full name." 

"Easy to see how you wowed the Fulbright Scholar Committee." 

Josh ignored that as he sat down heavily in his desk chair. "Then, you know." 

"I know I should deck you before I clap you on the shoulder for taking care of C.J. in her tough times." 

"It's great she told you." 

"Didn't have much choice when I literally stumbled into the mementoes of Cloe." 

"You survived though." 

"One cut finger is a small price to pay for hearing about one broken heart." 

"I'd say formerly broken if I'm an accurate observer. You're good for her." 

"We're good for each other."He extended a hand to Josh and as they shook Danny added, "Thank you for looking out for her before I came along." 

"Well, I'm used to doing it. Be warned, I'll continue keeping a close eye on her and you. Remember, she was my Claudia Jean before she was your C.J." 

"Don't worry about me. Worry about Hoynes stepping over the line." 

"God, Danny, the Vice President isn't stupid. He is aware of what would be at stake if he picks up that old habit." 

"He's not stupid but he is arrogant and might figure he can get away with something."Danny paused, "Especially if he can use the information about C.J. to bail his sorry ass out of a tight spot." 

"You're being paranoid on C.J.'s behalf." 

"Maybe. Still, you've been warned." 

"Forget that. Tell me more about your talk with C.J." 

"Not just talking; laughter, tears and secrets revealed." 

"You've got it bad, mi compadre."Josh laughed but his laughter died when he saw his friend's serious expression. "Danny?" 

"I love her Josh." 

"She didn't tell me that when she brought me the coffee and muffin."He snapped his fingers. "Hold it, she kissed me on the cheek, that must have been the signal and I missed it." 

"Except I haven't told her yet." 

"Why the hell not?" 

"Because it hasn't been all that long since she had her heart gashed open by tragedy and betrayal. It's only now she's willing to slightly open her heart to new possibilities." 

"So your reticence keeps her from slamming her heart shut." 

"We took enough giant steps this weekend. I brought up P.J." 

"Hard to believe she heard about the boy beast and she's still around." 

"You're still ticked he beat you in that video game." 

"Whatever."Josh grinned, "I get a rematch when he visits this summer. Plan it for when the Orioles are in town and we'll go to a game." 

"Sort of promised him that because I didn't see him on his birthday." 

"P.J. was okay with that?" 

"His scout troop had a museum sleep over on the same day so I skated." 

Josh glanced at his watch, "I've got a thing. C.J. looked happy and relaxed today and it's been a long time since I could describe her that way." 

"You think?" 

"Well, the fact she handed me the last lemon poppy seed muffin intact, brought me coffee the way I like it without lipstick on the cup but I got lipstick on the cheek from a kiss, yeah I'm pretty sure." 

Danny tried hard not to look pleased, "Well, okay then. Go run the country." 

*** 

C.J. found herself humming the Washington Post March. The weekend off had been perfect. Everyone came back to work with a spring in their step including her. 

She relived the weekend savoring all the fun and tenderness. Danny's compassion and understanding had been a revelation to her. C.J. felt she wasn't alone and could share her past with Danny like they shared the present. 

Uncharacteristically, C.J. was thinking about there being some kind of future with this exceptional man. 

Her e-mail pinged and she automatically opened the new message. It was from the pastor of Cloe's church in Marin County. He notified her that the flowers arrived for Cloe and were already placed at her marker. 

C.J. was puzzled until she opened the attachment. It was a scan of the card from the florist and read, "You are well remembered and well loved Claudia Olivia."The card was signed, "Danny". 

The tears sprang to her eyes as there was a tap on the door. C.J. looked up to see her assistant, "Carol, please find me Danny right away." 

*** 

One month later - 

C.J.'s afternoon was jammed with a variety of meetings, Briefings and appointments. She had three additional planning memos to digest before meeting with Leo and the President. But a call directly from the First Lady took precedence over prepping for upcoming events like the Town Hall Meeting and the trip to Marin County. 

Her thoughts of that trip brought a wide smile to C.J.'s face as she called out, "Carol, I'll be in the Mural Room." 

Carol nodded and marveled again at the change in her boss. Carol Fitzpatrick approved of C.J. and Danny attributing C.J.'s lightness of heart to a deepening of the couple's bond. 

*** 

Abbey Bartlet wasn't alone. She smiled at C.J. warmly and announced, "I figured you'd want to say hello." 

C.J. smiled back and held out her hand to the woman with Abbey. C.J. knew the director of the National Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Foundation well and respected her accomplishments. 

"Kate, nice to see you." 

"Same here."Kate Bogart looked at the Press Secretary noting she seemed happier than at any time in their acquaintance. "Wanted to touch base with Mrs. Bartlet and her staff about her address to our national meeting." 

"I also wanted Kate to meet with Libby Rhodes. She wrote the first story about my speech." 

"Ma'am, she should be in the Press Room. We can hook them up." 

"Thank you, C.J." 

"If you'll excuse me. . ." 

Abbey nodded but Kate stopped C.J., "I wanted to thank you for securing that donation." 

"What donation?" 

"The one from the author of Mrs. Bartlet's biographies."The foundation director dug into her bag for a small notebook. "How embarrassing, I shouldn't forget the name of a donor of this magnitude. Here it is, Daniel. ." 

"Concannon?" C.J. swallowed hard, "Danny?" 

"Yes, It's an amazingly generous gesture." 

Abbey looked stunned too but recovered to take the lead in finding answers. "Kate, this is news to both of us." 

"I'm sorry. I wasn't aware it was anonymous." 

C.J. recovered her power of speech. "The mere fact of the donation is typical Danny." 

"I'd hate it if I spoiled things, however I was certain one of you steered him to me." 

"He specifically indicated the Cloe fund?"Abbey was beginning to put things together. 

"Yes and explained his advance for writing this book was bigger than he'd anticipated." 

"Danny donated his advance money?" 

"Half of it, C.J. He said he'd planned on using it all for his son's college fund but the larger amount made this the right thing for both children." 

C.J. blinked back tears, "Danny said that?" 

"It's an exact quote. It stuck in my head because it moved me." 

"I agree." Abbey led Kate toward the door. "My chief of staff will take you to my office and find Libby Rhodes. She's the newest reporter covering the White House for the Washington Post." 

"Thank you, Mrs. Bartlet. C.J." 

C.J. nodded a farewell and dropped into the nearest chair. She stared up at Abbey, "Did you know?" 

"About the donation?" 

"Yes." 

"No, however Danny delicately interrogated me about where I thought SIDS dollars should go, research or prevention." 

"Prevention won, I guess." 

"In Danny's mind. He was so dear and concerned C.J. I thought it telling that he trusted me not to ask questions about what you'd shared." 

"He found out a month ago on our weekend off." 

"Obviously, Cloe bonded you tighter." 

"Abbey, it's been amazing. He understood and accepted all of it. It's made me feel unencumbered, maybe that part of my past can be put to rest." 

"For once, you can enjoy the present and look forward to a future." 

"It appears I can. I like that idea. I like Danny, I really do." 

"Delighted to hear it but you should probably share that momentous news with him." 

"Oh yeah. Okay." 

*** 

Danny was cooling his heels in an inner West Wing corridor waiting for Admiral Perry Fitzwallace. He'd agreed to give the Senior White House Correspondent an exclusive interview on the changing face of the military. 

He'd laughed when Danny had used the anniversary of Fitzwallace's promotion to Admiral as the basis for the story. Chairman Fitzwallace admitted that Danny's system for marking significant dates and events probably rivaled military intelligence. 

Danny accepted the compliment but declined the Admiral's request to take a job in the intelligence branch of the military or to share his system. 

In the last month, Danny had entered the pertinent information about Cloe's short life on his perpetual calendar. 

Since C.J.'s disclosure, Danny often found himself looking at the baby's picture in C.J.'s bedroom. He'd replaced the broken glass and whispered to the infant in the picture. "I would have loved you too." 

He'd noticed C.J. seemed relaxed and laughed often. She'd oohed and aahed over pictures of his son from infancy to current all boy status. She asked if she could meet P.J. during his summer visit in July. 

That would follow the June Presidential trip to California where Danny would visit Claudia Olivia's resting place with C.J. 

Somewhere in all this, Danny intended to find the perfect time to tell C.J. he loved her. He'd waited to see if she pulled back from him after telling him about her past. But C.J. had left herself totally open to him. 

He heard the voice that quickened his heartbeat day and night call out, "Danny." 

"C.J., I'm cleared to be here, honest. See, here's my supplemental pass." 

She just kept coming closer with a look in her eyes he couldn't decipher. Danny nearly backed up a step when she reached out to grab his tie, "What the hell. . ." 

His words died when her lips met his. The shock of her action melted into his usual desire for C.J. She let their tongues tangle briefly before she cut off the kiss but transferred her grip from his tie to his shoulders. "Thank you." 

"No, thank you."Danny's hands automatically slid to her waist to pull her closer until he recalled their location. "C.J., why the hell here?" 

"Because I want the world to know about the most amazing man I've ever met." 

"Me?" 

"Uh-huh."She leaned in to kiss him vaguely aware of people stopping and staring. "It's the most generous thing." 

"You know about the donation." 

"National SIDS director is meeting with the First Lady and I was invited to say hello." 

"I didn't want a big deal." 

"It is a big deal, that money was for P.J.'s college fund." 

"Plenty left for that and if he doesn't also get enough in scholarships, he'll deliver pizzas. It'll keep him well fed and develop character." 

"Danny, you didn't have to do it." 

"That's exactly why I did it. She didn't have much of a father C.J., I just wanted to add to the lovely legacy you built for Cloe." 

"With you, I don't feel as set adrift in all this." 

The look in his eyes confirmed for C.J. that everything she desired in a relationship was hers. It crystallized her feelings for him. "I love you Danny." 

Her words stunned him. Their eyes locked and C.J.'s flickered with a slight doubt. "It's okay if you don't. . ." 

Now, his kiss offered silent confirmation of his love for her. When their lips parted, he leaned his forehead on hers. "I've been trying to find the right time and right words for weeks. Apparently, I'll stay with the tried and true, I love you C.J." 

She let out a whoop of delight and launched herself into his arms. 

When they heard the applause the couple looked around to see a small crowd including Josh who yelled, "All right." 

Carol added, "About time." 

C.J. blushed saying, "Don't you people have a bill to pass or a country to overthrow?" 

The answer was a chorus of nos. 

Danny's reddened face creased with a grin as C.J. eased out of his arms. "C.J., you can't take it back. I have witnesses." 

"Don't worry. I just need to visit the Oval Office to explain things." 

The thought of that made him anxious. "It'll be okay?" 

"It better be. I promise we'll make it okay." 

"Guess these PDAs will be few and far between." 

"Probably, so. . ."She yanked him close again by reeling him in with his tie, "Let's make it good." 

During the kiss he heard another catcall from Josh. Danny opened his eyes to wave Josh off and caught sight of the Vice President approaching and asking aloud what was going on. 

John Hoynes froze when he saw C.J. and Danny locked in an embrace. Danny whispered into C.J.'s ear about picking this up later and she nodded happily. She walked out without a backward glance missing the sight of Hoynes. 

The crowd started to filter out, some silently and some with handshakes, hugs or high fives for Danny. He answered them automatically never taking his eyes from the Vice President's face. 

Hoynes stared back and saw knowledge and disgust in Danny's eyes. Before the Vice President looked away he caught something else in Danny's gaze. He was declaring that C.J. was his and he'd do whatever was necessary to keep her safe. 

The tall Texan strode away trying to not appear as if his tail was between his legs. 

Danny nodded noting Hoynes had the message. When Danny loved someone, it was with a ferocity that belied his easy manner. C.J. and Cloe were now in his heart and therefore his to love and cherish. Always. 

He'd make sure C.J. never doubted that fact. And facts were his business. 

Danny turned when he heard the booming voice of Admiral Fitzwallace. "Danny, I understand you've been finding some very interesting diversions while I was saving the world." 

"Yes, sir." 

"Well, I want to hear all about it." 

"I think I'm supposed to ask you the questions unless that's an order." 

"No son, you'll be taking plenty of orders from C.J. She's a fine woman. I approve and expect you to sign on for a long tour of duty." 

"Aye, aye sir."

  



End file.
